Facing Fear with Narratives
By Dr. Sally Gelardin
The catastrophic events of September 11 have permeated our lives at home and work. Even if we regulate their viewing of the tragedy on television, our children are absorbing violence, anger, sadness, and hopelessness within the community, through the newspapers and radio, and at home.
In the aftermath of the tragedies, people are afraid to travel by airplane. Whether the threat is real or imagined, the feeling of being afraid is real.
For many people, the recent catastrophe brought up memories of past situations arousing fear, such as natural disasters, abuse, violence, and illness. Fear permeates our lives, coloring our views. We may be both supportive of the movement to stop terrorism, at the same time fearful that our sons will get drafted. We may want more internal security, at the same time fear invasion of our privacy. Last week's trauma affected many sectors of the economy, including family income. For one family, the recovery may be quick; for another, the recovery may be a lifelong journey.
Although we can't control the world, we can learn to manage our fear. As we attempt to put our home and work lives in order, our inner lives may need more time to reach clarity and a sense of peace. When reporters on National Public Radio were asked what they did to relieve their stress, they responded: "hike in nature," " plant the garden," "walk in the city, " "go to a baseball game," "watch my daughter play soccer." Phone calls and visits with friends and relatives can be cathartic. However, at the end of the day, or in the early morning hours our fears may creep up, unasked, unwanted, affecting our work and home lives.
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To help our children cope with fear, first we need to be aware of our own unanswered questions. One of my biggest questions is how to cope with fear of losing my children. Both came close to death when they were very young. |
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Professor Mark Savickas (2000) said that our earliest experiences are the basis of our lifework. Stories help us understand what is meaningful to us. A city planner's mother was a volunteer air raid marshal during the Second World War. He recalls being left alone in the crib at home when she performed her duties. As a little boy, he often played by himself, building blocks. As an adult, he builds buildings.
Through work, living beings express who and what they are all about and participate in the ongoing co-creation of the universe. Richard Bolles, the best-selling career author of all time (known most widely for his book, What Color Is Your Parachute? ), distinguished between the "work you most need to do and that the world needs most to have done" and "work that you do out of self-interest." Bolles (1991) asserted, "The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
Fear and trauma, resulting from a catastrophe such as the suicide flights of September 11, influence our children's and our own sense of purpose in life. According to Savickas (2000), when we are most in touch with ourselves, we devote our lifework to finding answers to the questions that were unanswered when we were young. As a result of the September suicide attacks, my daughter phoned from Manhattan with questions. This was our conversation:
To help our children cope with fear, first we need to be aware of our own unanswered questions. One of my biggest questions is how to cope with fear of losing my children. Both came close to death when they were very young. My daughter almost died from a staph infection at birth. My son had a back brace to prevent a vertebra from going into his spinal cord when he was a year-and-a-half. Throughout my children's childhood, I was always in gear bringing them up and working and rarely reflective. Now that they are grown and on their own, composing poetry and storytelling have helped me to face my fears. My daughter uses art to express her fears.
